A Mother Forever Read online

  Stella ignored Ruby’s question and ploughed ahead until the narrow alley opened out into a yard where several men went about their business. They were hitching horses wearing black plumes to a fine-looking carriage, inside of which was a polished ebony coffin. Ruby shivered and crossed herself, as she’d seen others do when a funeral cortege passed by.

  Stella approached a man who was leaning against a wall smoking a cigarette. ‘Excuse me . . .’

  ‘What can I do for you, love?’

  ‘This may seem a little strange, but I need to find something out that would help my friend here get over her grief. We did ask in the office, but the man was not very helpful.’

  Ruby thought it best to let Stella do the talking and simply nodded her head.

  ‘Albert Brownlow wouldn’t give someone help if they was gasping their last breath,’ the man sneered as another worker nearby called out in agreement. ‘Perhaps we can help you?’

  ‘Could you?’ Ruby begged, forgetting that she had decided to keep quiet.

  The man gave her a grin. ‘I definitely can, if it means putting another smile on that sad face of yours. Has it got something to do with personal effects going missing? We’ve had two complaints in the past week, and we reckon old Brownlow has something to do with it. We all plan to ’ave a word with Mr Hind when he returns, before anyone pokes the finger of blame at us.’

  ‘No, it’s nothing like that. We wanted to know if Mr Hind ever helps women who lose babies during childbirth?’

  ‘Does he give them a funeral?’ Ruby chipped in, thinking Stella was too slow with her questions.

  The man stubbed out his cigarette and rubbed the whiskers on his chin slowly as he thought. ‘Er, Ernie, I think you could help these ladies,’ he called to an older man who was rubbing a rag over the carriage.

  Ernie tucked the rag in his pocket and joined them, taking his cap off as he did so. ‘It’s all right, Jim, I heard what the lady said. I’ll take it from here.’

  The two women held their breath, both worrying that they were about to be dismissed from the premises. Ruby thought it time they explained themselves. It was surely their last chance to ask for help. ‘My baby never woke after she was born. I want to know what happened to her. I need to know where I can lay flowers and remember the child I carried,’ she pleaded, placing her hand on her stomach as she spoke.

  ‘I’m sorry for your loss,’ the older man said. Ruby believed him, as she saw his eyes water. ‘Yes, Mr Hind is a charitable man – he does much for the cottage hospital and the good people of Erith. It was when his own daughter lost a son that he wondered what happened to babies that did not survive childbirth. His brother is a doctor, and a cousin of theirs is a minister of the Baptist church. Together they make sure all those babies receive a burial, even though in the eyes of the law they are not registered.’

  ‘You mean Ruby’s daughter has been buried in consecrated ground thanks to these charitable gentlemen?’ Stella asked. ‘I suppose they do not inform the families in case a fuss is made. Imagine if all and sundry started turning up at the graves to pay their respects.’

  ‘That’s about it,’ Ernie said, giving them a gentle smile. ‘I hope in some way it helps with your grief?’

  ‘It does,’ Ruby said as she took his hand and shook it in gratitude. ‘Is it possible to find out where my Sarah is laid to rest?’

  ‘Now you’re asking something,’ he said, scratching his head. ‘You’d be surprised how many young souls are helped. We don’t have a special grave for them, you see.’

  ‘Whatever do you mean?’ Stella sounded confused.

  Ernie turned and pointed to the carriage about to leave the yard for a funeral service. ‘Do you see below the carriage there is a compartment? What do you think it is for?’

  ‘Food for the horses?’ Ruby said.

  ‘Spades for the grave to be dug?’ Stella suggested.

  ‘In a way you’re both right, as they have many uses. However, Mr Hind had them included when each carriage was commissioned. They can hold three, maybe four small coffins for the unregistered deceased babies, but it would depend on the size of the grave. I’ve never known us bury more than two together.’

  ‘You mean Mr Hind goes to all this trouble for babies like my Sarah?’ Ruby shook her head in disbelief. ‘If only my daughter had breathed for a little while, I could have said goodbye properly. He deserves to be knighted for such charitable works.’

  Stella nodded in agreement. ‘Can you tell us where Ruby’s Sarah is buried – and how would they bury her, if there is no special grave for these babies?’

  ‘If you can tell me the date she was born, I can most likely say where she is,’ he said, looking between the two women.

  ‘It was the fifth of August and Doctor Hind, along with his nurse, left my house at just after four o’clock. They had the child with them. I will never forget that day,’ Stella said as she put her arm around Ruby’s shoulders and pulled the now-crying young woman to her.

  ‘I’ll get her a cup of water.’ Ernie blew his nose on a handkerchief pulled from his pocket before going to the pump in the corner of the yard and filling a tin cup with clear water. ‘Get that down you, girl, you’ve had a lot to put up with by the sounds of things,’ he said as he made sure she was holding the cup securely. ‘I’m going to check my logbook to see what work we had on the fifth of August. If anyone should come out of the office and question why you’re here, you can tell them Ernie Grafton asked you to drop off a fresh supply of shrouds. We often get deliveries from the seamstresses so no one will be any the wiser.’

  Stella felt a shudder run through her body at the thought of making such items, but with Ruby still upset, it quickly went from her mind. ‘Here, love, finish the water, it will make you feel a lot better.’

  ‘Thanks, but I’ve had enough.’ Ruby refused the mug. ‘Why don’t you have some? You must be as shaken and thirsty as I was.’

  Stella thankfully finished what was left. ‘That went down well. I don’t know about you, but I could manage another cup of tea from the cafe.’

  ‘And another of Marge’s meat pies,’ Ruby said, licking her lips.

  ‘Why don’t we go back there again after we say goodbye to Ernie? I do need to pick up some black bootlaces, but apart from that I’ve got a while before I need to be home sorting out dinner for my hungry lot.’

  ‘It’s a deal,’ Ruby said, ‘but please let me treat you. I couldn’t have done this without your help. In fact, God knows what would’ve happened to me that day if you haven’t come out into the street when I collapsed.’

  ‘Don’t be so daft. That’s what neighbours are for. I expect you’d do the same for me if I was in the same circumstances. Not that I’m likely to catch at my age,’ she added.

  Ruby could only give her a sympathetic smile. Stella was a tonic, and even though she was grieving for Sarah, she couldn’t help but feel joyous that she had found a good friend.

  ‘That’s put the colour back in your cheeks,’ Ernie said, returning with a small cloth-covered ledger. ‘The fifth of August, you say,’ he added, thumbing through the pages.

  ‘Yes, and it was late afternoon.’ Stella peered over his shoulder. She couldn’t make out any of the words as the handwriting was too small and neat.

  ‘Here it is,’ he said triumphantly, tapping the page with his finger. ‘I thought it was so, but wanted to check before I said anything to you. We buried a Miss Allinson on the sixth along with a small unmarked coffin containing a female child. That’ll be the one.’

  ‘Are you sure?’ Stella asked. ‘Could it have been another baby?’

  Ernie flicked through the pages. ‘There was a boy two days later, so the girl buried with Miss Allinson is definitely your baby.’

  Ruby shook her head in disbelief. ‘I don’t understand why a family would allow an unknown baby to be buried with their loved one. It doesn’t make sense.’

  Ernie gave Ruby a hard stare. ‘The family know nothing about
it. We slip the child into the fresh grave and cover it with earth. Then, after the service in the chapel, the deceased is laid to rest and the family are none the wiser.’

  Stella thought it an ideal situation, in the circumstances, but didn’t like to say so in case of upsetting Ruby. ‘So now you know, girl. Do you feel any happier?’

  Ruby kept her gaze on Ernie. ‘So where is this grave?’

  Ernie looked uncomfortable. ‘I shouldn’t really say, but as you already know the name of the deceased, it wouldn’t take much ferreting about for you to find it. It’s up at Brook Street cemetery.’

  Ruby looked to Stella. ‘Do you know this cemetery? Is it far away?’

  ‘You’re not thinking of going up there, are you?’ Stella asked. ‘You’re still recovering, my girl. You don’t need any more excitement today.’

  ‘Of course I am. I’ve not found the information only to go home without paying my respects to my daughter. I’ll not tell a soul,’ she assured a worried-looking Ernie. ‘Thank you for all you’ve done. I’m happy to go alone, if one of you would point the way.’

  Ernie thought for a moment. ‘The quickest way would be to get on one of those new trams and go as far as Northumberland Heath, then walk down Brook Street. You can’t miss the cemetery, although it’s a fair walk,’ he said, thinking she’d find the walk taxing.

  ‘My George would like to go on the trams. He has spoken of nothing else since his nan walked him around the road to watch them. Perhaps I should wait until tomorrow before I go to this cemetery. I can take George as a special treat. He’d like that. Yes, that’s what I’ll do,’ she said, before thanking Ernie for his help and following Stella back through the alleyway and out into the busy high street.

  3

  Ruby burst through the front door of number thirteen. Even a sudden downpour of rain couldn’t dampen her spirits.

  ‘What’s taken you so long?’ Milly grumbled from the kitchen. ‘I can’t be expected to take care of your kid as well as your husband, not with my dodgy ticker.’

  Ignoring her mother’s words, Ruby smiled softly. ‘I found her, Mum. I found where they laid Sarah to rest.’

  ‘Have you gone barmy or something? What the hell are you talking about?’

  Ruby froze. She’d not told her mother the name she’d given to her daughter. ‘The baby, Mum, I found where they buried her. I’m going to take George to see the grave tomorrow. Do you want to come with us so we can lay some flowers and pay our respects?’

  Milly threw down the cloth she was using to wipe dust from the black iron mantelpiece in the front room and glared at her daughter. As yet there was very little furniture in the room, apart from two armchairs left by the previous tenant. Ruby had plans for the room but until there was money coming in it was all she could do to pay the rent and put food in their bellies. ‘What do you mean lay flowers on a grave and pay our respects? You can only pay your respects to the living what died. That thing you gave birth to never lived.’

  Ruby felt as though her mother had slapped her round the face. She put her hand to her mouth and stepped back in horror. ‘Why would you say such a thing? Sarah was beautiful. Stella saw her and she said my baby . . . my baby was beautiful . . .’

  Milly laughed out loud. It was a harsh laugh devoid of warmth. ‘There was no beauty in what I saw. It makes me wonder how a child of mine could give birth to such an ugly thing.’

  George ran into the room to see his mother, but then hid behind her skirts when he became frightened of the way his grandmother was shouting.

  ‘Mum, please, you’re frightening the boy,’ Ruby said, reaching down to hug her son. ‘Don’t be frightened, George, Nanny and I are just having a few words. It means nothing. Why not go fetch your slate and I will write some numbers and letters for you to copy. Then I’ll put away my shopping and see to your dad – that’s if he’s home from work.’

  Ruby tousled the boy’s hair and kissed his cheek, closing the door behind him as he left the room. Turning on her mother, she wagged her finger at her. ‘How dare you talk about a child I gave birth to like that? If, and I don’t believe it, there was anything ugly about my daughter it came from you – her grandmother. You are the one with an ugly soul, and I don’t want it in my home for a minute more. You can pack your bag and go live with Fanny or Janie. I’ve had enough of you. I came home with joyous news, something that made my heart sing when I felt it had turned to ice and would never thaw, and you have done nothing but create a bad atmosphere.’

  Milly opened her mouth to speak, her face full of indignation, but Ruby was having none of it and placed her hands on her hips, ready to lay into her mum once again if needed.

  ‘What’s all this racket?’ Eddie said as he pushed open the door, knocking Ruby sideways. ‘Can’t a man have a nap without you two going at it like fishwives?’ he shouted.

  Ruby, who had grabbed the back of an armchair to stop herself falling, wrinkled her nose in disgust at the smell. ‘Have you been drinking?’ she asked as beer fumes overcame her, making her gag. ‘How come you’ve had time to go to the boozer when you can’t have left your work more than half an hour ago?’

  ‘They let him go,’ Milly jeered, still hell-bent on arguing.

  ‘Is this true, Eddie?’ Ruby asked, fearful of his reply. Without her earning any money in recent weeks, and with Eddie’s wages at the best of times erratic, things had been tight. She thought of her savings, hidden in a tobacco tin at the back of the pantry. The money was dwindling fast, and she wasn’t sure if the rent had been paid. He slumped into the armchair not saying a word. ‘Eddie – have you lost your job?’ Ruby all but screamed as her mum continued to cackle gleefully. ‘Shut up, Mum. Eddie, speak to me,’ she demanded, pulling at his hands until they fell from his face. ‘What the hell happened? You’ve only been in that job a couple of weeks. I thought you liked it?’

  He gazed up at her, looking doleful. ‘I got caught fighting – but it wasn’t my fault,’ he added quickly. ‘I was defending myself.’

  ‘You always are, Eddie, you always are,’ she sighed, as any happiness she’d arrived home with seeped away. ‘I thought moving here would be a new start for us all. A nice house, a new baby, and you in a proper job for once. I was that delighted when you stopped working for Cedric Mulligan and settled into a job that gave you a pay packet every week rather than bits of money here and there from Cedric when it suited him, or when he wanted you to use your fists. Don’t think I hadn’t heard you’d started hanging around him again,’ she said as he gave her a surprised look. ‘There’s always someone who wants to make sure I knew what you’ve been up to,’ she said, glancing towards Milly, who had become quiet but was still relishing the scene unfolding in front of her. ‘I thought with us paying our rent to a collector we’d not have any contact with Cedric again. This is the second job you’ve lost since we moved here!’

  ‘We will get by, girl.’ He reached for her hand. ‘We always do, even if it means moving from here and finding something cheaper to rent.’

  ‘Oh no, not this time Eddie Caselton. I happen to like this house and this town, and I want to make a go of living here. So, will you work with me to make a decent future for all of us, or do I have to show you the door?’ she demanded, wondering what had happened to the man she married. At times a spark of the old Eddie appeared, but then the drinking and gambling took over. Add Cedric to the pot, offering him easy money to do his dirty work, and her dream for a happy family life flew out of the window.

  ‘Aw, Ruby,’ he said, looking to his mother-in-law for support and being ignored. ‘This street is too posh for the likes of us. I’m not the kind of bloke to earn the kind of money for us to stay here. Every other bloke living in this street has some high and mighty job on the river or running a shop in the town. I’m not like them. Tell her, Milly.’

  ‘Don’t get me involved in your quarrels. It’s bad enough I have nowhere to live at my time of life, what with your wife showing me the door. I know you don�
�t want me here.’

  Ruby gave a big sigh. As much as she’d prefer her mum to move out, she knew it wasn’t possible. Why was life always so difficult for her? ‘Now, there’s no need to go on so. Between the pair of you I don’t know whether I’m coming or going. I think we need to all sit down and talk things through. I do have other news, but it can keep for the time being. Mum, put the kettle on and warm up the bowl of faggots I brought home for our tea. We can eat and talk at the same time,’ she said, giving her husband a warning look, as she knew he’d creep off out rather than face her to talk about their money problems. While he was hungry and eager to eat, she held him captive.

  Ruby waited until the family were tucking into their meal of hot faggots, with a pile of fresh bread in front of them to wipe up the hot succulent gravy, to make her announcement. ‘I’ve found myself a job,’ she said before popping a piece of crusty bread into her mouth.

  ‘That’s my girl,’ Eddie replied. ‘If you want us to stay here, we need more money coming in. I still think it’s not the road for us to live on,’ he added, not wanting Ruby to know she had fully won the argument. He nodded at Milly. ‘You could do us all a favour and think about bringing a few bob in too, like Ruby here. Cleaning, are you, or is it bar work?’ he asked her, without looking up from his plate.

  ‘I’m going to be working in a cafe in the high street. It’s steady work and regular hours,’ she said, thinking back to when, along with Stella, she’d returned to the cafe for a cup of tea to settle their nerves after visiting the funeral establishment. They’d walked in just as Marge had sworn loudly after dropping a tray of dirty crockery. Bending down to sort out the mess, she’d cut her finger on a smashed plate. While Stella sat her down and cleaned her wound, Ruby had set to clearing up the mess. She’d found a mop and bucket in a back room and given the floor a quick wipe over, warning customers to mind the wet floor before getting behind the counter and serving the queue of people, who were starting to grumble.